Amategeko agomba gukurikizwa kugira ngo usubirane n’uwigeze kuba umukunzi wawe
Gutandukana n’uwo wakundaga si ibintu byoroshye, kuko uba uhombye umuntu mwabaga musangiye byinshi mu buzima bwa buri munsi. Gusa no kugerageza gukomeza kuba inshuti n’uwahoze ari umukunzi na byo bishobora gukomeretsa umutima nk’uko gutandukana ubwa byo bigora.
Olivia Petter, umwanditsi w’igitabo yise “Millennial Love” kivuga ku mibanire y’iki gihe, avuga ko atabona inshuti nyinshi zigifitanye ubucuti n’abakunzi ba zo ba kera, nubwo we ubwe hari aho byamushobokeye. Asobanura ko mbere yo gufata icyemezo cyo kugumana ubucuti n’uwo mwatandukanye, hari ibibazo bine by’ingenzi umuntu agomba kubanza kwisuzuma nk’uko tubikesha BBC.
Icya mbere ni ukwibaza niba uwo muntu akiri umwizerwa. Olivia yavuze ko hari bamwe bagirana imibanire yoroheje kandi idakomeye, nyuma bakabasha guhindura uwo mubano ubucuti busanzwe, kuko nta makimbirane cyangwa amarangamutima akomeye yasigaye hagati ya bo. Ariko ku mibanire ikomeye, n’iyo itarangira neza, akenshi ntibyoroshye ko ihinduka ubucuti bwa hafi. Umutoza mu bijyanye n’imibanire, Kate Mansfield, yemeza ko imibanire idakomeye iba yoroshye kuyivamo ugakomeza ubucuti, ariko na yo ishobora gukurura amarangamutima akomeye bitewe n’uko yarangiye hamwe n’uwafashe icyemezo cyo kuyihagarika.
Icya kabiri ni ukwimenya neza niba waramaze gukura uwo muntu mu marangamutima yawe. Kate avuga ko kuba inshuti bishoboka gusa iyo wamaze kwakira iherezo ry’urukundo rwanyu, atari mu magambo gusa ahubwo no mu mutima. Ni ngombwa kwisuzuma ukareba niba hari ibindi bintu musangiye bitari urukundo, nko gukunda ibintu bimwe cyangwa inyungu zihuriweho. Iyo umubano wanyu wari wubakiye gusa ku rukundo, gukomeza kuba inshuti biragorana cyane. Kate anibutsa ko ugomba kuba inyangamugayo ku mpamvu ushaka kugumana ubucuti, kuko niba ugifite icyizere cyo kongera gusubirana cyangwa ukurikirana ubuzima bwe bw’urukundo, uba utari mu bucuti nyabwo.
Icya gatatu ni igihe cyashize mutandukanye. Guhindura umubano w’abakundana ukavamo ubucuti bisaba igihe. Olivia avuga ko ari ngombwa gufata akanya ko gutuza no gutekereza ku byo buri wese yifuza. Umunyarwenya Rosie Wilby yatanze urugero rw’uko yabashije gukomeza ubucuti n’uwahoze ari umukunzi we nyuma y’igihe kinini, n’ubwo batandukanye mu bihe bikomeye byari birimo ibyago byinshi. Nyuma y’imyaka myinshi, avuga ko uwo bahoze bakundana amufata nk’umuvandimwe, bigaragaza ko igihe gishobora gufasha gukiza ibikomere.
Icya kane ni ukwita ku marangamutima y’abandi, cyane cyane iyo umwe agize undi mukunzi. Kate ashimangira ko ari ngombwa kuganira ku mipaka y’ubucuti bwanyu, kandi niba umukunzi mushya abona ko ubwo bucuti bumubangamiye, icyo kintu kigomba gufatwa mu buryo bukomeye. Ibyo bishobora gutuma muhindura uko muvugana cyangwa uko muhura, kugira ngo mwubahirize amarangamutima ya buri wese.
Ariko kandi, hari igihe kugumana ubucuti biba bidashoboka. Kate avuga ko mu gihe habayeho ihohoterwa iryo ari ryo ryose, kutizerana, cyangwa igihe umwe agifite amarangamutima y’urukundo, icyiza ari ukureka kuvugana burundu. Olivia na we yemeza ko yahagaritse ubucuti gusa n’abantu bamubabaje, avuga ko kenshi ari byiza gusiga ibyahise mu mateka no gukomeza ubuzima bushya.
